afraid of the dark.
i weave spiderwebs in your darkest corners.
i believe. i believe. i believe.
i’m still here because the words mean something.
i’m afraid of the dark. of this great dark. god, why won’t you turn the light on? you’ll see our filth better this way.
there’s no need to cut me loose. we both shiver underneath these streetlights. i returned your letters with lonesome hands. doubt no longer feels weightless.
time only exacerbates everything. directions are meaningless. (how do i find a path safe enough to travel?)
i’m lost. i’m wary of living.
if this is hell / if this is heaven / i want to apologize. / for the whole of me. / this cycle is a vise. / this deep discomfort in me refuses to settle. / don’t you notice all these smoke signals?
i can’t see you properly. i won’t let you see me at all. i’m too sick. i’m threadbare.
i’m slippery throughout the night into the day. i’ve tried burying my contradictions. (why isn’t anyone else as sick as me?)
if this is hell, if this isn’t heaven, i promise i believe.
Emotional communication, in text, a secret languages we think we understand, when we read, but it’s a landscape we can’t really see internally churning away, until reality throws stones, both at our perceptions and connections, and the hidden internal reality… and we get lost! Lost perhaps in different ways. It just guts you. perhaps in different ways.
Each time we learn, but sometimes it just takes hold, and you feel alone, or torn, you see you're broken, and you feel cold scared, and directionless, wondering what mistake you'll make next, doing circles in your mind.
This is so good!!