sometimes i’m all there is… am i still a real thing? or am i something stuck in the past? i’m trying to tell you that i’m dead. you may call me a ghost or a spirit, if that makes it easier. but i have no desire to stick around long after i’m gone; there is no longing echo inside of me yearning to be heard (for there is no one i want to answer).
please don’t need me now that i’m gone. please allow me to disappear into whatever mist or light that comes for me. there are no houses nor walls for me to haunt. don’t come looking for me, i do not wish to return depsite all the love i held for you (i still hold it even now, you haunt me instead). i apologize for disappointing you, but i don’t believe haunting is in my nature. i cannot spend an eternity avoiding mirrors and reflections just for you to grasp this love a bit longer. my soul isn’t infinite, nothing in me is. let me cease to exist for a while, there’s only so much this body of mine can take.
“God knows I love you so
But I won’t be your ghost.”
— maybe (flower face, ‘the shark in your water’)
i touched you like i was learning how to lose you. i loved to place soft kisses on each of your eyelids. now whenever the wind flutters past you, it’s just my skin brushing against yours. i loved to let my fingers tangle themselves in your hair; i let them glide all over your body, always resting on the small of your back. i imagined that if i kept touching the smallest parts of you, i could hide you away. even in death, i’m always conjuring up ways to protect you.
lover, i think i got it wrong. you are the one i want to hear my echo, this longing in me belongs to you. you’re the one i’d haunt houses for until we reunite in the afterlife. this echo binds us together. follow it in death and there i will be. i made an echo out of a melody, this time the story will have a happy ending. (i’ve grown tired of tragedies, haven’t you?) our story involves no lyres or deals with the dead, but we will have an abundance of love that’d i would turn around to see you for eternity.
come on, baby, come back to me. death is getting lonely and i don’t know how much longer i can take. come on, baby, disappear with me. don’t you want us to have an afterlife? i told you this love of ours will last longer than our mortal lives allow.
i do not wish to linger yet here i am, and it’s all for you. (i wish you were dead enough to be here)