one night weeks ago, i stitched myself to the void. it was a leech, a dead body i was forced to carry.
the void filled me with promises of “this happens to everybody. now it is your turn.” we moved through the dark as prey, not predators.
it was the first and only time i left my god…. him alone. i baptized myself in a nearby river six times before coming home back.
he disguises his storms in a way i’ll never know how to dissect. he knows too much about me. i know too little.
i conflate our closeness in this vast terrain with connection, with communion. still, i regret our belonging.
hysteria coils around all i am when my doubts arise in the narrow hall of my throat.
those holy sacrifices did not cast anything in me. i slip through life copy after perpetual copy. i fear it is too late to extract him from me. he knows how my bones were crafted.
i wake with dread he will be gone one day. untraceable, a stranger from a half-forgotten mirage. i pray beg his escape routes will be indistinguishable from mine.
out in the desert, the moon blesses us. / unsung laments dance around in the cold air. / feverish bouts of misundertood love rise to the surface. / my soul coats everything with desire, innocence, and fury. / i’ll be his child for several moments longer. promise to drain me after. rinse me new. / promise and i will follow you home.
it takes time to crawl out of a hole, but the fall always takes longer.
This is stunning! 🖤