prelude (1993)

and in the shadows she finds a way

midwinter decay approaches. strange, unsettling, cursed.

a vacant horror scene after hours: open-mouthed, bound in place. she and i were inseparable, we were born game. it became harder to tell us apart, dewy faces vexed by parallel nightmares.

my sister, my sister, my sister. whose face reflects back while i cower in the mirror, this disease is decades old. she loves me enough to last another summer.

but i’ve been losing my grip for a while now. i’m older in ways that makes my jaw ache. i don’t really remember how this body works.

born twenty something years ago, she and i are pains within ourselves. something haunts. sustaining itself on our silent rage. contorting into a manic dance over and over and over.

it’s 2:21 am, i’m meant to be more than this. i wanted to be where she was. / i couldn’t get there, / i can’t get there, / i’m on my way.

sister sister sister! something suffocates my memory, whispering out: ‘there is no righetous path’. can you can you can you hear it?

(you won’t know, you never will.)

bloodied, backed into a corner as everything disappears before us. homesick in bodies tangled within one another. (leave now or never leave at all.) no betrayal this time, only dreamless nights and desperation. it’s all a blur, we are forever protected here. time will stretch for us.

i didn’t know anyone when i was young. i owe someone an apology.

my sister… my sister… my sister.

the scene ends, the next one glitches. rewind. rewind. rewind. time will wait for us.