we’re all infected by something untraceable.
you haven’t succumb to it yet, but you will. you haven’t gotten your hands bloody yet, but you will. don’t worry, your facsimile baptism will suffice.
you’ll understand it more when you leave. it’s inevitable. you will return. it’s inevitable. fate is punishment and cyclical.
a gap expands outside of my soul; it peers inside seeking shelter. predator or prey? sacrificial lamb or trespasser? either way, it will cause my ruin. soon.
i forgave it all as it came back to me. isn’t it nice to know this veil of darkness will always shroud you?
i’ve kneeled hours at the edge of various altars. i’ve entered nearly every church that found me. i slept on weathered pews from dusk to dawn. i felt close, but never in the right way.
i’m unaccustomed to the signs and symbols. i am intimate with “sin.” i can exist without congregation.
……i am unable to locate god. i fail to hear my way around his terrain. silence all these years; i’m all apart.
the water is still running. grief still holds me down on the fading tiles. everything is bright. those gentle hands don’t pick me up this time. i should apologize.