time thrown offtrack.

who can know the mind of god?

dear lord, leave me bloody and bruised at the foot of your altar. i’m afraid of peace and true faith.

if this is real, then how far does our thread travel?

i’m not sure where i am. i’m not sure where god is either.

i should call out to confess, but guilt holds me tight in its embrace. this is all i’ve ever known. i could stop if i wanted to. i’m not ready yet.

why change? where could that possibly lead me?

silence is not attention / nor is it an offering. / death is silence. / i crave silence in ways which cause our thread to fray. my life is unbearably loud. everything bruises my soul. / you haunt and prey upon all which you will not fix. (save… save me)

if this is real, then are his prayers also unheard? does he seek refuge from your unrelenting weight as well?

he was right to question hurricanes. he was right to question.

although his year-long silence gave way to lost causes and betrayal… he will not leave me behind again. i will not abandon him again.

we both recognize the signs now. still, we fall short; we’ll always fall off the wagon.

but… it doesn’t matter. not really. we always end up back in your arms again.